If you’re wondering how to be a good parent, you’re not alone. Good parenting skills are something which can always be developed to benefit ourselves, our children and even their children’s children etc.
I’ve been raising my 3 children as a solo parent for the past 5 years and yes, it’s been tough at times, but parenting is the best experience a person could have. You’ll know, reading this the love that one feels for their child is like no other. This doesn’t mean that we don’t have days where we want to just lock ourselves in the bathroom with music on full blast to cover up the sounds of our kids whinging and arguing. I’ve had days like that. Other days I’ve gone to sit in my car for 5 minutes just to remember what peace and quiet is. We’re only human and any parent that tells you being a mum or dad is easy is most likely in denial!
My parenting skills have got better over the years, some of that has to do with me getting older and maturing but another reason is because of the technique I’m going to tell you about in this post.
Since discovering EFT, I’ve had friends ask me how I stay so patient, calm and happy with 3 children, (who are with me 24 hours a day as they’re home-schooled). One friend has repeatedly asked me “how do you do it Kel?!!”. Although this is very flattering to hear, I’m no better than any other person out there because we all have the potential for good parenting and of course we are all allowed our ‘off days’ too! The key is to try keep those ‘off days’ to a minimum.
A few years ago, it didn’t take much to ‘rattle my cage’, I’d get stressed out over little things, annoyed at my children for doing this or that and I really wanted to try being a better parent.
When I say I wanted to be a ‘better parent’, what I wanted was to be able to manage my emotions better, so I could stay calm in different situations. I didn’t want to get annoyed and frustrated if my kids weren’t ‘doing as they were told’ or if they didn’t eat all their food or tidy their room. I use these examples as they are some of the common triggers for parents to feel annoyed at their children and these were some of the triggers for me too, along with my kids fighting or arguing. I’ve learned now that this is all part of growing up and it’s me who had to change first. I am their role model, their security blanket and I needed to be emotionally stable to help them feel loved and secure. I had to be able to manage my emotions and talk to them in a calm way when their behavior was difficult. Asking a child, in an angry way, to behave is going to be met with defense and make them feel bad. A child will behave better when they feel better so it’s best for us to be able to stay calm and manage our emotions when disciplining our children.
It’s like when a parent hits a child to tell them off for hitting. It’s Ludicrous!! But some parents do, I’ve seen it with my own 2 eyes. I’ve been guilty of shouting at my kids to tell them off for shouting at each other….it doesn’t make sense does it?! We must become better role models. Our children are looking up to us and they learn behavior from us, so for them to become better behaved WE need to be better behaved and it all starts with learning how to manage our emotions.
I understand that there are so many different ‘parenting styles’, attachment parenting, gentle parenting, authoritarian parenting etc and I don’t think it’s ‘one size fits all’ but I do believe that the technique I’m about to show you can work for all types of people to help them become better parents.
The Emotional Freedom Technique is something I use at least once a week or whenever I’m starting to feel stressed or overwhelmed and it works every time to bring me back in to a calmer state of mind, so I can continue being a good parent to my children.
Emotional Freedom Technique aka EFT or ‘Tapping.’
The Emotional Freedom technique is an alternative type of therapy which anyone can learn to do on themselves. The only thing you need is your fingers and it can be done anywhere; in your home, in the bath, in the car (not whilst driving!) or even whilst outdoors.
EFT includes ‘tapping’ with the tips of your fingers on certain meridian points (or energy channels) around your body whilst saying certain statements, usually about how you’re feeling in that moment. It’s related to the Chinese therapy of Acupuncture, although no needles are used, just your fingers.
How can EFT help you become a better parent?
When I trained as an EFT practitioner in 2017, I already knew the benefits of this psychotherapy as I’d been having sessions for a few months with a wonderful EFT practitioner. I was amazed at the results it was having on my life, so much so, that I trained to be an EFT practitioner myself.
The technique works by helping you focus on your pain or limiting belief , whether emotional or physical, and then helping you release that pain. It’s not always an instant ‘fix’, it depends how deep rooted the pain or limiting belief is and how motivated you are to help yourself.
What is a limiting belief?
A limiting belief is a set of beliefs we have, usually subconsciously, which limit us from achieving what we want in life or becoming the person we wish to be. For example, a limiting belief about money could be ‘Money is hard to obtain’. This belief would lead to the behavior which would then lead to actions which prove that money is hard to obtain, e.g not being able to secure a job.
Allow me to give you an example of how tapping allowed me to become more patient with my children.
I found that every time I was leaving the house with my kids, at any time of day, whether it was just to pop to the shops or whether we were leaving to go on holiday I always got myself in to such a stressful state. Even if we weren’t in a rush to get anywhere at a certain time, I felt myself getting all hot and bothered and couldn’t help ‘rushing’ my kids along as though we were in some sort of big hurry. I really didn’t like being like this and the fact that I’d acknowledged it meant that I was ready to change it.
I started to do a session of tapping on myself before we left the house, whenever I felt stress arising, and I wouldn’t leave until all the anxious feelings had gone. This took a while at first, but the more practice I got with EFT, the quicker the feelings subsided. I found that the more relaxed and happier I was, the children followed suit. If I left the house stressed the kids ALWAYS argued in the car. If I left the house happy and relaxed, so did they and there were NO arguments! For the 10 minutes of EFT I did before leaving the house, it was totally worth it.
After a week, I decided that I didn’t want to have to keep doing EFT before I left the house, although my anxiety levels had definitely reduced, they were still there slightly and I wanted to feel relaxed leaving the house without the need to tap.
This is when it was time to dig a little deeper to find out the reasons behind the anxiety. It turned out I was feeling this way because, when I was a child, I was always rushed out of the house by my dad. He was always in a rush and he put a huge amount of stress and pressure on me to hurry up. I used to get shouted at and told off if I was even one minute late out of the house. I remember feeling frightened and stressed as a little girl when it was time to leave the house and I’d carried those levels of anxiety with me to adulthood.
Once I discovered this I began to ‘tap’ on these memories and feelings. It was then that I was able to forgive my dad and forgive myself and fully let go of the anxiety I felt when leaving the house.
This is just one example of how EFT has helped me improve my parent skills but there’s so many more. It truly has helped be become a better parent and a better person. I use the technique regularly and I believe it could help you too.
So if you want to learn how to manage your emotions, let go of limiting beliefs or pain, whether mental or physical and be a better parent to your children then I invite you to download my free EFT how-to guide.
Maybe you want to quit yelling at your kids or you wish to be more patient and understanding, maybe you want to be more fun and energetic! Whatever it is, EFT can be used to help.
This how-to guide sheet shows you step by step how to use The Emotional Freedom Technique on yourself, even if you’ve never even heard of it before. You can learn this in minutes, it’s that simple! (But it also has such a positive impact. )
Grab your free guide>>>here<<< and get started right away at becoming a happier, calmer parent.